Honesty best policy

Dr. Wallace: I'm 18, a high school graduate and fortunate to be employed full time at a large supermarket. I wasn't very popular in high school because I lacked self-esteem. Ever since I've been working, my self-esteem has improved tremendously. Working closely with the public has brought me out of my shell.
Brad is a 20-year-old guy who also works for the same supermarket. We hit it off the first time we met and have been dating for the past three months. Brad is a great guy and I care for him very much and I know that he feels the same about me. He is working for two years to save money and will be attending college next fall.
Brad got his then-girlfriend pregnant when they were both 17 and he married her to give the baby his name. Six months after his son was born they were divorced because his wife was seeing another guy. Brad has custody of his son, now 2, who is being cared for by his parents.
My parents are very strict and since I still live at home with them, they keep a watchful eye on me. They know I'm dating Brad, but they don't know he's divorced and has custody of his 2-year-old son. I want to tell them about Brad's past, but I'm afraid if I told them they would tell me not to see him anymore, and that would be impossible because I care too much for him.
Should I tell my parents now or wait until they get to know Brad better? This is very important to me so please answer my letter. — Nameless, Atlanta
Nameless: Sometimes you just have to act on faith and principle. In this case, the principle is: Honesty is the best policy.
Don't try to finesse Brad's past history and present circumstances around your parents, or wait until some perfect time to tell them. This discussion will be difficult whenever you have it — but it's crucial they hear about Brad from you, not from someone else. The longer you wait, the more likely this will happen.
When you talk to your parents, emphasize your love for Brad, how much he's changed, and how responsible he has become. Allow them to react to the news and don't be defensive. Your chances of success will be far greater if you display a calm maturity with them.
— Write to Dr. Wallace c/o Copley News Service, P.O. Box 120190, San Diego, CA 92112 or rwallace@galesburg.net

Gold digger's greed is obvious to everyone but her wealthy fian

Dear Abby: A man I know is engaged to a woman 20 years younger. I think she's a gold digger, and here's why: She waved his credit card around after he gave it to her saying, "Look what I've got!" (He was not present.)
After he bought her a million-dollar house, she told her kids that they have to "act rich" now, and after he bought her a new car
, she drove it — slowly — around her ex-husband's neighborhood so everyone could see it. She was unfaithful to her ex several times with wealthy men, and has told her friends that if they want to meet men with money, they should go to the expensive golf courses.
She complains to her kids about her fiance behind his back, but tells them they need to "treat him nice" and "act happy" around him because he has given them lots of money. And as soon as she got her diamond ring, her kids started telling people that she gets all his money when he dies.
I have seen a list of warning signs of an abuser in your column. Do you have one for spotting a gold digger? — Sees Red Flags In Utah
Dear Sees Red: Webster's New World Dictionary defines "gold digger" as "a woman who in her personal relations with men tries to get money and gifts from them." I feel sorry for that woman's fiance because sooner or later he is going to find out how off-kilter her values are.
While I haven't printed a list of red flags for a gold digger (aka manipulator), some phrases to watch out for are, "If you really loved me, you'd ( )" or, "Prove you love me by giving me ( )."
One more thing: Gold diggers are never satisfied. They are bottomless pits that can never be filled. Regardless how many material things they are given, they want more.
— Write to Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or www.DearAbby.com.

Get to the bottom of dizzy spells

Dr. Gott: I am a 90-year-old female with high blood pressure, heart trouble and arthritis.
About four months ago, I started to experience dizziness. I felt like I was drunk. I didn't do anything about it because I thought it would stop sooner or later. Well, it didn't, and one day I felt so terrible that my daughter rushed me to the emergency room, where all sorts of tests were performed. They told me everything was normal, and they didn't know what was causing my dizziness.
What am I doing or not doing that would cause this terrible dizziness?
Reader: There are two types of dizziness: vertigo, which usually stems from an inner-ear problem, and lightheadedness, which has many causes.
Treatment depends on the type and cause of your dizziness. Lightheadedness can have many causes, ranging from blocked arteries to low blood pressure to medication side effects. Since you have already had testing, I don't believe that your problem stems from lightheadedness; however, you may wish to see your family physician.
Vertigo, on the other hand, is often the result of an inner-ear abnormality. The most common symptom is triggered by the sensation of movement, similar to the effects caused by the overindulgence of alcohol.
Make an appointment with an ear-nose-and-throat specialist, who can perform testing to make a diagnosis.

— Write to Dr. Gott c/o United Media, 200 Madison Ave., 4th Fl., New York, NY 10016.